last night was... different. i woke up incredibly hungover after drinking several pints of cheap, nasty 8% pear cider which i promised my friend i would not drink, a girl jumped on my back in the smoking area, fell off, pulled me down with her and cracked her head open, the taxi dropped us all off in the centre of witney and would not take me to my house so i got in a RAGE (have not been that angry for a long time!) and started punching/kicking random things and shouting and screaming whilst ignoring ballard's attempts to try and calm me down.
i met up with joe and duncan this afternoon after a mcdonalds and lots of water. it was so good to have the three of us reunited and good to see duncan coming on leaps and bounds with the issues he currently has!
i'm now finalising my playlist for my DJ debut at fat lil's (an amazing bar in my side of oxford) tonight, then going to eat some breaded chicken with my mum! i also return to brighton tomorrow which i am excited for but also weirdly anxious. my housemates are all spending new year in their hometown's so it'll be a nice time to enjoy the peace and quiet by catching up on uni work that i didn't do before christmas - and to prepare myself (both physically and mentally!) for nicki and lulu's houseparties. if you're in witney/oxfordshire tonight come along to fat lil's to see me spinning some beats, if not - have a good one!

it's not the flight we're afraid of, it's the fall.

Stories To Tell

i dug my nails into your palms as i cried and cried, knowing some things are just too good to remain. the heavy autumn breeze drifted up the sleeves of my trenchcoat and i heard a rip of thunder across the sky and not once did you cry.

not once did you cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5iXSu3MSPc

i've had this beautiful song on repeat for something like three days now. so much love for jeniferever.

merry christmas one and all! i hope you spent the day eating, drinking, laughing and relaxing with those closest to you, and also that you received lots of nice presents! i've only received two or three so far as some money one of my dads clients was meant to give him didn't arrive on time (my dad is self employed) but he's promised that he'll buy me and my brother some more things when it comes. plus, i received skyrim, so all's well that ends well!

as usual i had a fantastic christmas eve. spent the afternoon with amy and arcadia (who i found out is pregnant! congratulations to her) then met up with rachael to briefly swap presents. she bought me a beautiful vintage scarf and a small bottle of champagne, and i still have one gift left to come! i gave rachael a variety of presents in a vintage paris box, and her 2011/2012 birthday present, which was an IOU for a flight to stockholm with me sometime next year - she nearly cried! i'm to assume those were speechless gasps of happiness so i think it was mission successful on that front. i then went up to joe's for dinner with him, his mum and his fiancée, where lots of laughs and champagne were had, to then head back for more festivities with a lot of beautiful people, some old faces and good times which resulting in me being so drunk i was staggering into the road (lollll) and having to link arms with becky (who i may add, is 5'5'', very petite and ladylike) so i could walk in a straight line - oh dear! although i was hangover free this morning as i promised myself, so once again i'm happy.
i took some lovely photos of last night but unfortunately i have left both my usb cable and my card reader for my camera in brighton, so you'll have to wait until the end of the week to see them!

i hope you all had a lovely christmas, and comment on my posts when you get the chance! i love the opportunity of getting to know people, regardless of where you're from! and pass my blog on too - i've only got a couple of followers at current and i'm feeling a little lonely!

hej dar readers! right now it's only one day until christmas and guess what? i'm still not feeling even remotely christmassy! what's with that?
i'm sat here with liam, who is one of my best friends that i haven't seen in four months, we smoked a joint so we're both pretty high, and are putting the world to rights over white grape juice, final fantasy 9 and the smooth, serenading tones of ed sheeran. (this sounds like a date but i promise you it isn't)

how are your all spendings your christmas' this year?

Lovers Live, Lights Die

i thought i had another chance with you tonight
tell the clocks arms to stop inside their glass and ebony wood cages
show you the rest i was willing to go through
to turn it all back
pulling my heart from my chest, each beat another struggle. it’s black and dripping with tar. 
can you hear what i’ve got to say?

Our Planet's Craves & Crazes

my mouth is dry like the end of the desert i have just reached
ice cream coloured stars on the horizon
i think of you, tucked in bed far away, of your tender touch on my back. out here i hear the wind, but not what it has to say to me.
across the desert lands lies something deadly. travelling gave me a rush, from the seven continents on earth there still wasn't a view that took me away like this one. the dangerous horizon, the stars leaking colour into one another, that mixtures of sparks and passion. 

Gloves, Doves And The Snow

"quick! quick! you have to see this!" he yelled, fur coat flying behind him as his shiny locks of brunette hair raced away in slow motion, running and running, until he reached a metal gate.
the sight of it made me shudder, for it bought back painful secondary school memories, the same smell of lynx deodorant and vomit in the rain. he gazed back at me with a chiseled smile, beckoning me over with fur lined gloves.
my does eyes became sleepy.
he put his right arm around my shoulder, in a close yet distant fashion, i could feel the electricity of excitement running through him.
"if we clear this field and go over those shrubs, we'll be in Heaven."
"Heaven? As in, Heaven where you go when you die?"
he nods, his teeth nearly as white as the snow.
"But why would we want to go there yet? We're both still so young..." I felt weak at the knees, and my blonde hair picked up on the wind.
"But we're already dead. It's regret and remorse you feel! We've been wandering and searching too long for this."
He climbs the gate and I climb too. The light over the horizon grows brighter and brighter, and I see weathers on the wind, doves amongst them-

and i now see the snow for what it is. 

The Dog & The Night Sky

i was one my walk home once, the frost burned and nipped at my skin, pulling my black leather gloves closer to me - a gift from you (like i do to you), and my long white scarf which i knitted myself, sewing small gemstones of parts of me into the material.
i came to the small green by the turn in the road, and there i saw a stray dog. it was a labrador to be exact, pretty elderly, with cream-coloured white fur. it didn't notice me and my knee high boots coming to a complete halt, silent ike a snake, for it was too busy sniffing in nearby shubbery. tonight was bold and starry, with what i swore millions, soothing down their glowing beams onto us, blessing us less worthy than them.
but what i noticed over the dog, including his unusual white, oily looking fur, was how the moon shone down on it, one perfect beacon from the Heavens placing its light pride of place on the dogs back. the dog sniffed and poked at the bushes slowly, like he knew, like he acknowledged all of this in the same silent manner the moon had. us humans don't deserve such a moment of radial grace, and even has my flames of red hair blew in the wind and my lips pouted on autopilot from the cold, i knew i too, did not deserve this.
the dog disappeared into the shrubbery and i saw the next breath i exhaled form a knight in white armour into the air, valiantly following the dog into its new adventure.
from that i knew, that one day too, i would deserve the moons graces.

so i'm back home for christmas at last! my shift at topshop went really quickly, and everybody was in a good mood too, which was great! i got the bus home straight after work as quickly as i could, excited for the ride home, only to hear that my friend had food poisoning, and wasn't able to drive! fortunately, being the kind soul he is, he called his mum and she drove down to collect us both, so i got home safe eventually [about four hours late] and sound and am loving the delights of a power shower, cheese and meat that isn't chicken all of the time, amongst other things! i have very stupidly left a vital christmas present in my room, and my memory card stick for my slr behind too, so this means no photos until i return to university! which is annoying, as i took a few nice ones earlier today.
my only definite plans this week are a film tomorrow evening, finishing the remainder of my christmas shopping and dinner on tuesday and a housewarming for a good friend on thursday, the rest of the time i'm doing absolutely nothing but relaxing!
what do you have planned for the holidays?

lol wut

one of the best things i think i'll ever hear.

and these are my favourites from the pick of photos i took of emma. it was freezing cold, raining and incredibly windy, so i'm beyond grateful for her co-operation and treating her to a pizza hut next week as a thank you (pizza hut because i'm a fucking classy gent). enjoy and COMMENT:

today, i went to the beach with emma to finish my photography project, and i got some fantastic photos! which made me feel 10x better after the awful shoot i did with amy last week. i snapped several good ones of emma (if i do say so myself) and then it was her turn behind the camera, which she took this one of me where for once, it doesn't look like i'm chewing on toffee. we then came went to mine, cooked some homemade garlic bread and listened to amy winehouse's new album 'lioness: hidden treasures' which is so, incredibly sad. oh amy, if only you'd asked for help...

tonight i am going to a houseparty with my next door neighbour emma. it's fancy dress with no particular theme (my favourite) and we've both decided to go as mimes - mainly because we're both broke as fuck and it requires little to no effort to throw together.
below are some photos that have inspired our costumes, i'll try and post some photos over the weekend of the antics we got up to!

today at work whilst serving on tills, i was talking with a customer who had just graduated university with a literature degree, and was telling her that i was thinking of ideas to put into a "giftbox" for a certain friend for christmas, and whilst explaining one aspect of it, she wrote down two authors for me to look into: pablo neruda, and erick manela, which was incredibly kind of her.
i won't lie, i hadn't heard of either author before she wrote them down so this made me even more excited to be able to check out more unknown literature. after food shopping when my shift was over, i unpacked my bags as quickly as i could and jumped on google to do some research, and my - what finds! neruda's poetry is just as good as the girl stated, but unfortunately i wasn't able to find the other guy. perhaps she wrote his name down wrong? or am i being dumb? a combination of both? who knows. but for now, i leave you with a poem from neruda, called "perhaps not to be, is to be without your being"

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being, without your going, that cuts noon light like a blue flower, without your passing later through fog and stones, without the torch you lift in your hand that others may not see as golden, that perhaps no one believed blossomed the glowing origin of the rose, without, in the end, your being, your coming suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life, blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze: and it follows that I am, because you are: it follows from ‘you are’, that I am, and we: and, because of love, you will, I will, We will, come to be.

Chameleon

&& i know the smell of toothpaste on your breath when you pulled me close masked more than lies and regrets.

Sanctuary

instead of sleeping, i'm sat behind my bed, playing whimsical songs on guitar. the full moon shines through the curtain and makes my feet itch and i know i need to get out of here. i'm stuck in a town where i know exactly what bus stop the "chav mums with buggies" get on at and that the big issue dealer probably has more money than i do and the colours seem to have been sucked out of everywhere that was once bright and vibrant to me and spat out some grey monotone-like-shade that hurts my eyes.

i take a few seconds to wonder how he is doing.

this is a place where people have blind idols and not enough sight to see beyond the tips of their noses, and where you're ridiculed for having black skin, or a name like moses. where the "cultured" groups think they know everything of writers like simone de beauvoir just because they saw her grave on a schooltrip to france, and best of all these are the people we should be getting to know. irony just bit the hand that feeds.
i've considered just staying in my room, and looking out of my window at the road to stockholm, but i just made that up.

Lost In The Rain

the white curtains caught the wind at a 78 degree angle
our flesh pimpled and prickly
i put my ear to your chest
and heard a personal whisper
ghosts and espers trapped inside skin and bone
their voices coinciding, telling me
"you're not alone, you're not alone."

so today (after watching quite literally 20 powerpoint presentations on photographers, one after the other) i finally made a start on my christmas shopping! i decided to buy for the girls this week (i mean, ladies first right?) who are my mum, amy, rachael, andrea and alycya, along with my chosen secret santa, and then buy for the boys next week, who are my dad, my brother, liam and joe. i went on my own after my seminar and i really enjoyed just taking my time wandering around brighton town, north laine and the lanes at my own pace with my ipod on (jeniferever - choose a bright morning) and the occasional cigarette, browsing and purchasing at my leisure. some of my best purchases were made at (but not restricted to):

i also found some pretty decent stuff in primark for my mum, but couldn't find a decent picture of the brighton store to save my life.
after all of this shopping i rewarded myself with a starbucks, and then met matt for a feast of spitroasted chicken and two bowls bigger than my face of delicious salad at the harvester. food baby? more like food triplets mate.

right now i'm finishing off a 45 minute presentation on 'the peacock male within youth and subculture' and although i've been sat at my laptop for over an hour, listening to destiny's child and diana vickers, all i've managed to do is let the cat out, put some laundry on and pick the clothes up off of my floor. what is my life about?

and to sing me to sleep we have... (p.s. i still cannot get the hang of this bloody site.)

Virgin post

tumblr was... doing my head in, to put it nicely. so i've decided to defect over to blogspot. turns out i had an account on here that i made during summer 2008 - who'd have thunk it? it was mainly full of angst-ridden ramblings about a certain gentleman so that was quickly deleted (but apparently i can 'undelete it' for up to 90 days so it's kind of lingering around like a ghost, or a bad smell). i come home for christmas in about a week and a half and i'm very excited for central heating, power showers, triple glazing, decent cheese, mulled wine & steak e.g. everything i cannot afford. my online swedish lessons start on wednesday and i'm excited to be serious about learning a new language (if an unconventional one) so i don't come across as some uncultured swine when i venture outside of the UK. i must, must, must go back to stockholm in 2012 even if it kills me, and i'm rather excited for what delights blogspot/blogger/shut up will bring me.